apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
