Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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