You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
