I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
