he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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