lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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