who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
