I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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