dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
