Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked