just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.