I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.