i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"