I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.