Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me

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(607): I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me http://tfl.nu/xbef

Replies (2) Good night (1782) Bad night (617)
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(407): View more from Florida

At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

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(407): At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"! http://tfl.nu/ehkr

Replies (17) Good night (1396) Bad night (2405)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk

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(918): my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk http://tfl.nu/q4ib

Replies (14) Good night (4750) Bad night (695)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

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(203): he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat? http://tfl.nu/b9c7

Replies (161) Good night (2297) Bad night (36133)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment

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(773): Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment http://tfl.nu/rjpv

Replies (13) Good night (5202) Bad night (760)
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(408): View more from California

just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".

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(408): just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right". http://tfl.nu/kg1e

Replies (8) Good night (1729) Bad night (4375)
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(415): View more from California

I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

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(415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x

Replies (7) Good night (8956) Bad night (1174)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number

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(412): He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number http://tfl.nu/oocs

Replies (6) Good night (2936) Bad night (941)
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(847): View more from Illinois

The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today

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(847): The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today http://tfl.nu/8pjx

Replies (7) Good night (2738) Bad night (945)
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(415): View more from California

All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk

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(415): All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk http://tfl.nu/vf88

Replies (2) Good night (1881) Bad night (1190)
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(406): View more from Montana

I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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(406): I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works." http://tfl.nu/3ym3

Replies (8) Good night (3667) Bad night (764)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?

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(304): well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out? http://tfl.nu/ogsn

Replies (9) Good night (1375) Bad night (627)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS

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(724): Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS http://tfl.nu/ftff

Replies (17) Good night (2399) Bad night (580)
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(787): View more from Puerto Rico

I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement

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(787): I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement http://tfl.nu/yxd8

Replies (3) Good night (330) Bad night (670)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.

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(702): Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE. http://tfl.nu/l3z1

Replies (8) Good night (1111) Bad night (400)

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