Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.