Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She announced her abortion via fbk
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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