I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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