I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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