he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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