Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
