Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
