Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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