The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
