I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
