I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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