I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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