i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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