After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fuck me I smell like cheese
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
