Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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