I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
