I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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