She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
