By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
