new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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