JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
