Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
