I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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