im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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