I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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