she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think a kid would responsible me up
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
