I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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