what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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