i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Panties = found
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
