my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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