I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
