I cannot find my penis.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
