How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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