Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
