Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My cat gives me a boner
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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