I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
