Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
