Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
