i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
