I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
