last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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