I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Help. Why am I so naked?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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