he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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