Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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