i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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