Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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