Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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