One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
