At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
