if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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