Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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