We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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