How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
