It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
