your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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