I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
