did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
