Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
