The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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