He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
