butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
