I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
